Gay and Believer

As I have said in the introduction I'm Catholic and participate in a catholic group and go to church every Sunday.
But I am also gay. And church say that it is not true; that I'm just confused by devil.
I really belive in God and really want to kind of obey (and say kind because everything he asks for is the best for us) but I cannot deny that I really feel I'm gay like something quite real.
I usually totally forget about it because it doesn't change much of my life being gay or not. It does not changes almost at all who I am. Or how I interact with others, even with God.
So I got myself invited to a conference or something (I may tell you the name later) about restoration of relationship and sexualities through God.
I went really sceptic about all that thing of becoming straight (like what? Do I leave this place speaking with bass voice and feeling like wanting to fuck every hot woman ass that crosses my way?).
But it was not at all what I've thought.
They talk about chastity, fidelity (there were a lot of matrimonies rather than gays), wounds, angers, sexuality, identity, church; don't know, a lot of different things I was not much sure how were related with stop being gay. Because the center of all those little talks was not about how wrong is being gay and how to change it, but about being healed by God. Having all our wounds healed, maybe including one that makes us gay. But not because it's wrong to be gay, simply because God doesn't wants us hurt and wounded. He wants us healed and healthy. And there was such a precence of God and his love flooding in there that I could just let him do; I offered myself fully to him (because that's basically all I can do when he loves me that way) and offered all my life, including all my virtues my wounds and the way I live my sexuality (not thinking that it is wrong or something, just giving it just how it is) too.
So after the encounter, I was still feeling like
gay (I new cause I saw one guy when exciting and thought: omg he's hot), and I was still me. But I felt different, lighter, happier, filled, healed; loved. And it was God. And I loved him back so much that I will do everything he asks me to and offer him my every single piece of what I am. Because he loves me and wants the best for me. And I belong completely to him.
I highly recommend (you, reader) to give it a chance. Maybe not that one if you can't find it (by the way it's "dessert stream, living Waters"). But to give God a chance. Meeting God is always good. And he's not to mark out faults. He just wants us to let him love us.
So I don't know exactly where all my life is going to end. But I am sure of one thing; it will be wherever He wants.

Pro Ana

I have always been taught that anorexia was wrong. And I have always believed it. Maybe still think that way. Probably in part due to the fact that I love food and eating, and couldn't imagine to live without it.
But, somethings change.
As i hace told in the introduction article (is it called that way?) I am fat. My height is 180 cm and my weight 103 kg.
Recently, looking for a new diet to try during two weeks and then eat like a pork again, I found a page with a promising diet. It consisted in making intermittent fasting two days a week, and on a day just eating from nine to six (I didn't read that last part until later). But the best thing was that they gave lots of advices to fight against hunger and the need to binge and thinspiration (what I didn't know what was) to reach it.
The page was called myproana. And I don't think it was the purpose of the page but I got in love with anorexia.
The friends who I told about thought that I was crazy or that it was dangerous. But I don't think so. Principally because I have not a distortionated vision of my body: really I am fat; and because I am going to use it just as a diet to be thin, like any other diet that I can do and control (being biology student kind of know how does the body works). And I'm not intended to die because of starvation, which is hard considering how much I love to eat.
So I took all that inspiration, copied it and saved it in all my devices to have it on hand, downloaded a water coach app and decided to start doing fasting on Sunday and Wednesday and to adopt some easy anorexic habits like drinking so much water to fill my stomach, eating slowly, chewing thirty times my bite before swallowing and all things like that.
Last week was my first week of this "diet" and didn't do it quite right. I forgot to count every chew, for example. Wednesday was a really tough day and I felt so much tempted to eat all the food that was all the time available and easily reachable in my home and being part of my routine and my life. It worked to show me how much I depend on food and eat it for inertia. On that day casually there was a earthquake which made me think I was sick until someone told me what it was. My stomach was growling like never before, but finally I achieved it! (except because without thinking I ate one cookie)
The next day was not precisely easier. After drinking plenty water I had a simple breakfast (really hard to stick to watching the super delicious food my father had made the day before) consisting of two toasts and a coffee, meal which didn't felt right on my stomach: I felt sick the hole morning and kind of hungry. But then I felt better.
That night I decided that the afternoon tea was going to be the very last meal I would have on a day.
And one week later I had lost 5 kg.
And there goes my beginning. I hope I can achieve my goals and look hotter and feel as good as they said it feels to intermittent fasting.

Introduction

Hi!
I am...
...Let's pretend my name is Piggy (and pretend it's a boy name), just in case someone who knows me read this blog.
I am from a small city in Argentina. But I have always liked English. And I feel more comfortable speaking it. And there are less possibilities that the people I know can read this if it's in this language.
I like to say I am still a teenager because my age has a teen in it but I am actually nineteen years old and I don't think I can be consider that way.
I am studying biology. It doesn't mean I'm studying to be a biology teacher, and definetely does not mean I just study cells. Or plants. I study every f* single thing with life in it. And I just love it.
Also singing, drawing, playing, and other artistic stuff.
Physically I am really hairy, except in my head where I am almost bold, and really tall. Have always been (my XL legs are amazing). But I have always been fat too. Probably because I am extremely lazy and I love to eat.
In addition to my laziness I barely have self stem or braveness, or memory. I am also selfish and closed to others and need to make everyone love me, no matter what it takes. On the other hand I am super smart and kind and funny. And my nose is cute.
I am also gay, in a city where it is not that normal.